I'm a bad writer.

Hey.

    I'm a bad writer. I'm inconsistent and shabby at best. I keep my thoughts bottled up inside until they boil over into some confusing mess. Writing has always been very cathartic to me, soothing to my soul like cool water on a fresh burn. So, why do I put off posting on my blog, and writing down my prayers before bed, and jotting down the things I find inspirational in my everyday life?

    Essentially, I am a tragically typical teenage girl (young woman? I've reached that awkwardly vague part of my life when my age ends in -teen but I'm legally an adult). My priorities are spending time with people who make me feel good about myself and thinking too much about things that will never happen. I like to think I'm much deeper than most my age, that because I like to read books sometimes and have a bit of natural beauty, I must be complicated and wise beyond my years. I think my thoughts are startlingly brilliant, like I am the only one who sees the world the way I do. Then I go on the Internet and discover that I am just like every other Christian white girl in the world- awkward, emotional, and in love with being in love.

    So I put off my writing. I say, "after I take this exam," or "after I get home from this or that trip." Telling myself I'll get around to it feels almost as good as actually getting around to it. And then, I actually do it, and I ask myself why I let myself avoid it for so long.

    I've realized we tend to survive by hoping for the things we want and avoiding the things we need to do. Thinking about future events, the excitement and even the worry, keep people going. I'm looking forward to graduating. After that I'll look forward to going away to school in the fall. And after that I'll look forward to figuring out what God wants me to do with my life. It's a frenzied, but sadly pointless, cycle. And while we are hoping we are avoiding doing the right things in life- the hard things. Things like saying what needs to be said, even when we cannot anticipate the reactions of the people who hear our words. Or being really, selflessly humble, or trying something new. And while there is nothing wrong with hoping for the future for the right reasons, avoiding what we as people are called to do can have a dangerously lasting effect, on our own lives as well as the lives of those around us.

    So, don't put off doing what may seem hard, or boring, or controversial. Don't wait until the last possible moment to accomplish what God may be calling you to do. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever do what you love, only that what you're afraid of doing might be what you love. Don't be like me. Don't be a bad writer who thinks what she loves is a chore, only to finally get around to it and end up being pleasantly surprised by the burst of joy she feels when her words transcend every inexplicable thought jumbled up in her mind.

--Laura :)