Summer is here, ladies and gents! For me, it rolled around after a stressful end to junior year and some unnaturally cold June weather. Now, it is precisely 81 degrees outside, and the fireflies are blinking under the trees in the front yard. Oh, and did I mention I am officially a senior in high school? It is now the beginning of the end, and I am both sad and excited about whatever God has in store for me over the next year. Actually, now that I think about it, I get even more excited and happy and proud of myself for making it this far. It's a funny feeling, but I love it all the same:)
So far, this summer has been great. And I'm surprised. Last summer I spent too much time overthinking and moping and feeling sorry for myself, and I ruined practically the rest of the year because of the ghosts I let captivate my mind. So, when the last few weeks ended up being lovelier than I had imagined, and the weeks to come started to fill up with things to do, I was pleasantly surprised.
I don't know. All of the sudden I'm just really thankful to be here now, doing what I'm doing, and enjoying the life God has blessed me with.
It's still a struggle everyday. I have to drag my lackadaisical self out of bed every morning, and work really hard at Positive Thinking, something I have never been a star at doing. Sometimes my sisters drive me up a wall. I get into fights with my younger brother. My friends let me down, or I forget to be there for them. But you know what? That's life, my lovelies. It's usually kind of a letdown if you have unrealistic expectations for the people around you. The only person you should expect to be a superhero is yourself, I believe.
But who knows? I'm still very young and inexperienced; I could be wrong. I'll most likely go out into The Big Bad World and make a thousand more mistakes, and (hopefully) learn from a few of them. The very thought of being out on my own someday scares the hell out of me, honestly, especially because that Someday is like, next year. I keep thinking, "I like where I am now. I don't want to change." But...God has a plan for me, and no matter what, I have to trust in his timing. Is that hard for me? Yeah. I'm kind of a control freak when it comes to my own life. But I am learning how to let go. I think I'll always be in a constant state of learning; I'll never fully understand everything about life until, ironically, I die. I can pretend all I want that I have it all figured out, but I honestly never will, which is somewhat of a relief.
Anyway, I wanted to close this post with something my friend Grace wrote to me in a letter. I was rereading it this morning, and I was like "Oh my gosh, not only does Grace have a beautiful face, she's also a genius." so, here is the link to Grace's fantastic blog, the one that inspired me to start writing more, and here is what she wrote (hopefully she doesn't mind me sharing this. I think only like 12 people read my blog, so she's got nothing to fear):
"I had a thought while staring out the window at the trees. Humans are so much more alive than trees and have so much more to live for and yet trees are so much more peaceful...humans are the most privileged organisms on the planet and Americans are the most privileged of the most privileged and yet everyone is so upset or angry all the time. I don't know. I guess I feel like people are missing the point. There is so much to live for and so much glory that needs to be given to God and people (myself included) miss out on all of it...I just want to be happy, and live and bring glory to the Almighty and give him thanks for this awesome life he's given me to live."
Yeah. That pretty much says it all.
--Laura :)
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