Nights like this- ones when I do not speak a word for hours yet sing Mumford and Sons lyrics at the top of my lungs whenever I need to hear a voice. When I can waste away time blasting nostalgic music and scrolling down Tumblr. When I write or cry or do sit-ups to work through my aggression.
These nights are dimly lit by Christmas lights and laptop screens, accompanied by dark cups of tea and oversized sweaters that hide the body I am so intricately insecure about. I stare at my face in the mirror until it no longer looks like a face, going over my features and changing my expressions until I tire myself out with my critical vanity.
I spend these nights curled up in my cozy nest of a bed, my hair either in waves all around my shoulders or messily pulled up atop my head. Sometimes I get up and pace, either to work through an issue or get past some writer's block. Sometimes I lie on the floor, and sometimes I swear and yell. Sometimes there just aren't enough words in the world to describe how you feel.
A night like this is essential, because it is in these seemingly inconsequential hours that I remember who I am. I am able to think and pray and process my day, my issues, my calling- what God has put me here and now to accomplish. I recharge on nights like this, and then next day I awaken stronger, able and eager to deal with the world because I stepped back and took things in stride.
It's okay to be an introverted extrovert. It's okay to have problems that deserve a great deal of thought. It's okay to spend time alone- in fact, I would venture to say it is essential.
I haven't been able to take a bath since I came to school and it really bugs me. |
I find something alluring in the water droplets on autumn leaves |
all at once, everything is different... |
<33 |
I deserve this. |
This makes me think of my family. |
Ferris Bueller knows his stuff. |
my favorite male :) |
and, finally, where I want to be. :) |
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